The writing of this comes during the COVID-19 pandemic that floods much of the world. Many are at-risk of contracting the illness and for some, the course of the illness could mean frightening results. The public has been forced into this mindset of survival – not by social distancing regulations, but rather by fear and anxiety. These times have led to more than six feet of distance between one another. For that reason, it is pertinent to ponder an emotion that is likely to be the last thing on everyone’s mind. So much so that it seems insulting and inconsiderate to speak of it: Joy.
This piece serves both as an invitation to thought and an incorporation of a chapter identified in a book on dissociation.[i] How fitting for this emotion to be brought up in a book that discusses the very elements we are not aware of and often times choose to put aside. It is perhaps even more fitting to consider the emotion of joy in these times. It is not conflictual to hold apparently incongruent emotions at the same time, both within ourselves and as is the case when we extend empathy to others. In the chapter mentioned, Dr. Karen Weisbard discusses the nature of joy. For many individuals, “joy” seems vaguely similar to “happiness”, “pleasure”, or “cheerfulness.” For some, the thought of “joy” comes across as someone who is beyond themselves in pure elation and often times out-of-touch with the vibe of the room, and actually gets misinterpreted quite often. Joy gets linked to positive psychology literature quite often and seen as being unrealistic, inappropriate, or frankly annoying to people. However, I think it is possible to be joyful and also realistic within the room.
We interact within our internal worlds. This subjectivity is how we view the world and how we internalize the world by making sense of things, to the degree that we can actually become locked within our own mind. Emotions become a language filtered through our lens of experiences and development. Conversely, we interact with the world through understanding one another’s intersubjectivity. This has the potential to be reassuring at times or it could lead to misinterpretation when we are unable to find a means of translating the others’ language, and vice versa. These languages communicate and as we learn to hold dichotomous emotions that we or others are experiencing as tolerable, we are better able to see one another.
All throughout our lives we come to terms with the fact that we are to navigate having our needs met while everyone else has their needs met. By result of this quest, we have the opportunity to be recognized by oneself and the Other. In this, we arrive at mutual recognition – within this space we see that we are not in conflict with one another, but rather can help one another meet needs. When one steps outside of themselves into this realm of mutual recognition, they see that they are a part of something larger. For many that can be the world, their belief system, or a larger role to play.
Inversely, what often happens is we become confined to our own lives. In times of crisis and stress, we are inclined to recede inward. To challenge that pull, the experience of joy is something beyond happiness or positivity. I characterize joy as a state; much more than a temporary emotion. According to Weisbard, it is in joy that we are able to see the delight we have in ourselves while also seeing how we fit into this world. Joy goes beyond merely what is happening in our lives and incorporates the potential for what we can do within the lives of others. Through joy, we discover what it means to be ourselves. We take on new interests, new questions to ask; yet, often times it runs counter to what someone is feeling. In this, there is recognition of sadness, pain, grief, loss, and other pains. It is in these moments -- recognizing the full brevity of our experience -- we learn how best to care for someone else. We learn what we are capable of during this time – navigating through our painful experiences interlaced with happiness. In fact, joy is the result of being able to experience each emotional state that we are comprised of and in doing so, recognize ourselves more fully. Amidst all of this, is a central focal point that draws us back; a state of togetherness, a sense of purpose, and a sense of community and relationships. In emphasizing the mutuality of relationships, joy can be better understood. The empathy and openness we extend to ourselves and others leads to increased joy.
Joy feels inappropriate during this time. Even as I write this, I recognize the awkwardness of this topic. However, when we choose to see ourselves for who we are amidst the world, we have the potential to feel joy. When we feel joy, we recognize that there are others out there who are hurting and that we oftentimes hurt…likely as a result of feeling joy. However, in feeling joy, we connect more fully to those around us and see ourselves in a community – instead of being confined within our minds. And so, I challenge readers to consider what emotions they are having difficulty accepting, what direction they are being pulled, and how they can step outside of themselves to see that they are a part of the world around them and not defined by their emotions. In these times of social distancing, I am reminded of the stories of the WWII generation. They embraced the reality that what they did at home was a part of helping others fight the injustice around the world even though the times were frightening. In a similar vein, I challenge you to consider taking time to realize that you can acknowledge a full range of positives and negatives, ambivalence, and sorrow through this season, yet find joy in knowing you are seen and heard by your community.
[i] Weisbard, Karen (2010).The Intersubjectivity of Joy in Petruceli, Jean (Ed.), Knowing, Not-Knowing, and Sort-of Knowing: Psychoanalysis and the Experience of Uncertainty (353-363). London, England: Karnac Books Ltd.